Monday, April 30, 2007
3:29 PM
Faith Hates Control-Freaks
Having faith is a hard thing to do when you've been burned so many times in all aspects of life.
Especially for control-freaks like myself, bowing down to faith is really difficult. And yes, I consider myself a control-freak. After years of denial and talking bad about that personality trait, I have discovered (gotta love those epiphanies) that unless you can do it as well as me, I prefer to do it my damn self. That is just bad I know.
These days it's been difficult for me to just lay back and "have faith" in things that I have little or no control over.
Waiting for my wrist to heal after being sprained a few nights ago while I slept is the most frustrating so far. I have it in a splint and I take some pain meds but still. I want it to be healed and back to normal NOW not in a week or more.
Trusting people is another hard thing for me. I cannot control people's actions. I cannot watch people's every move to make sure they aren't doing anything against me behind my back (wow, that sounded really paranoid), but I have to just have faith. I have to assume everyone I let close to me is going to be as loyal and good to me as I am to them.
Being burned before makes this near impossible, but I have little choice. It's either that or I don't let anyone get close to me and I die a lonely, miserable, friend-less old bat.
Giving control over to another person or situation doesn't come easy but somehow it happens.
Today for some reason, I'm having a very difficult time doing this. Is it a "gut feeling" or something else? Am I just being paranoid? Am I expecting the worst out of people or do I have a legitimate reason to worry?
Whatever it is and whatever the answers are to those questions, one thing is for sure. I cannot control the outcome. I need to relax and have faith.
Said By Nicole
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