Thursday, June 14, 2007
8:42 AM
My Bed Is Not Yours!
Something has to be said for everyone who told me that parenting would be the hardest job in the world. Especially when the parents both have a different view of how a child should be reared.
Another thing caught my attention: "We do our best parenting BEFORE we are parents."
Said by the one and only Judge Marilyn Milan on The People's Court.
These two things collided like a tornado hitting a trailer park this morning.
Let me start with Before Nicole Became a Step-Mom....
In those days I was pretty sure that I would allow my child to sleep with us in bed if they had a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep. That's how my parents did it when I was young. Then when I fell asleep, my dad would carry me back to my own bed where I would slumber the remainder of the night.
BUT after I became a Step-Mom to a 6 year old son, I realized what a very baaad idea it is to allow a child into our marital bed.
My argument which is also backed up by the American Pediatric Society, is that children should learn how to not only fall asleep on their own, but also learn how to deal with fear and insomnia on their own as well. That is to say, instead of letting Little Junior crawl into bed between you and your mate, it is better for the child and for your marriage, to follow Junior to his own bed and soothe him, coddle him, and be there for him until he falls asleep. Then he sleeps in his own room and you sleep in yours.
Doing that prevents a lot of "security blanket" type attachment a child gets when allowed to sleep in bed with his parents.
But alas, Carlos does not agree. He's been allowing his son to sleep in his bed since he was a baby practically. His son is used to the routine. Have a nightmare=run to dad's bed.
In the meantime, I feel creepy and weirded-out having a six year old share the bed with us. The same bed Carlos and I use to have "adult-fun" every night. The same bed that I love stretching out and being comfortable in.
When the little guy sleeps with us, even if just for an hour or two, that bed becomes a FAMILY bed. And that makes me very uncomfortable.
One theory is that since he isn't my biological son and I just met him less than 6 months ago, it causes me to feel yucky and inappropriate sharing a bed with him. Maybe if he was my own son, or maybe if I knew him from the time he was 10 months old, my view would be different.
Since none of those things are reality, I can't help my feelings.
Of course, Carlos had to remind me that I planned on allowing my future kid(s) to share our bed if they were scared. But after this situation, I don't think I will. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I won't even allow my own children to do what his son does.
Soooooo this all brings me to this morning....
After biting my tongue, rolling my eyes, and dealing with the fact that a six year old was sleeping happily next to us in bed for the past couple weeks, I just couldn't stand it anymore.
Already tossing and turning from the hot-flashes I've been getting in the early mornings (thanks pregnancy god), and getting a little grumpy doing it, the LAST thing I needed was to deal emotionally and physically with little man crawling into bed with us.
5:30am and Little Man came into our bedroom and cuddled up next to his daddy. I jumped up, half dead with sleep, got my contacts in and logged into the internet where I've been since then. It is now 8:56am and I feel as though I'm about to fall into a coma....
But I don't regret it because I at least was able to for-go the creepy, unnerving, and annoyed feeling I would have felt had I stayed in bed with the two of them this morning.
Besides, I can always take a LONG nap later.....
Said By Nicole
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